meat wave

i burp ham
by thin sheets
of bleached pig



Mila Kunis is pregnant.

Ashton Kutcher is Steve Jobs.

That ’70s Show was cancelled on May 18, 2006.

Steve Jobs is dead.

Mark Zuckerberg’s salary is $1.

Bill Gates is the richestĀ manĀ in the world (again).

There are 1,645 billionaires in the world.

There are 172 female billionaires in the world.

J.K. Rowling is not the world’s richest woman.

Mark Zuckerberg lost $1.4 billion today.

Same-sex marriage is legal in 17 states.

It is now technically possible to stop an earthquake.

It is now possible to clone a Wooly Mammoth.

Miley Cyrus’ dog died.

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are back together.

Chris Brown is in federal custody.

Hip Hop is dead.

Wu-Tang is forever.

The Wu-Tang Clan are only releasing one copy of their next album.

Ol’ Dirty Bastard is dead.

Tupac Shakur is dead.

Biggie Smalls is the illest.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman is dead.

Paul Walker is dead.

The guy from Glee is dead.

Tony Soprano is dead.

Michael Jordon is retired.

Space Jam 2 starring Lebron James was just a rumor.

I am tired
lying in bed
in the dark
eating popcorn
watching The Office.

I am the best poet alive


The Mumps Of The Yam by Carolyn DeCarlo & Jackson Nieuwland

Fibre Dairy
Ape Hull
Jewel Eye
Organ Dust
Oxen Over
Novel Member
Desk Ember



You can only sleep at night.
Don’t swear.
You’ve never actually made a fire.
The camera is inside the fire.
It makes fire hover above it.
I’m the 23rd best in the world.
Does anyone even know what I’m doing yet?
Did you ask Ryan?
I mean Jordan I mean Max I mean Connor.
I’ll draw an animal.
Keep on drawing.
Masturbate before work.
You’ve never seen a real life reindeer.
Your eyes look very strange.
This is my pet even though it can’t move.
I don’t know how to draw a witch.
I do not like horses because I haven’t seen them.
Little kids don’t even know how to draw snowmen.
Can you draw a hat on top of this?
I’m going to draw a tree.
Caro used to be one but now she’s not.
I’m only allowed two people and she’s allergic to dogs.
Did you know dogs only have three paws?
If you want to know what colour her nose is it’s black.
I like most colours but I don’t like rainbow.
If you stand up your leg might even break off.
You’re dead because I ate every part of you except your legs.
I don’t eat hats.


Nothing Ever Changes

The stars began to fade. It was a gradual process, taking thousands of years. It was so gradual that no one noticed it happening. Then one day the stars were gone and because no one noticed it had no effect on anything.